Retro Review: Metal Gear Solid 3

Yeah, three years ago isn't retro, but screw it. I've been playing a lot of older games lately and I want to write about them. The first is a treat, because I'm actually going to discuss concepts outside of gaming. Yeah, yeah, I promise I won't--as my friend and confidant Ice Cube surely would--put your butt to sleep.



Grade: B-
Time Spent Playing: 12 hours

Metal Gear Solid 3 tells the tale of a huge pussy with an abandonment complex who infiltrates a Russian military base for reasons only God can comprehend. The story is moronic and self indulgent. The cut scenes are actually pretty good in terms of action and composition. When Hideo Kojima is trying to make you laugh, you do. When he is trying to make you think, your eyes roll. The acting is good and the characters are pretty memorable, despite the ever present philosophical meanderings of a well intentioned 19 year old.

Make that a well intentioned, Japanese 19 year old. There's this hilarious phenomena among the Japanese as a group: complete and utter denial of anything that might have occurred in the years ranging from 1935 to 1945. The Japanese military of that day did horrible, unspeakable things. Thanks to the denial of the past, the typical modern Japanese citizen believes his ancestors were good. This leads to cognitive dissonance. The only way to mend the idea that Imperial Japan wasn't evil is to come to the conclusion that there is no good and evil, just players on opposing sides. What does that have to do with this game? Because this story hinges on the United States and the USSR being morally equivalent. Why is this a laughable notion? Because while America hasn't been perfect, it didn't kill tens of millions of its own citizens through purpose, neglect, and the sheer incompetence of a controlled economy. America didn't imprison people for disagreeing with those that ruled. America didn't subjugate its neighbors. Do I really need to continue?

So, I've gone on and on about the game's story with no mention of what it's like to play. There's a reason: watching cut scenes is what you'll spend most of your time doing. Outside of watching the game's story, you'll either be running from screen to screen--make no mistake, there's very little reason to actually sneak around when you can just haul ass to the next cut scene--or fighting bosses.

As much as you probably presume I hate this game, fighting the bosses is actually pretty great and ultimately redeems this ridiculous, over-hyped game. The bosses make those neurons fire off, signaling your adrenal glands to start pumping. They tickle the brain as you try to solve the mystery of their undoing. Most notable is The End, a sniper with whom you'll spend an hour or more entangled in a deadly match of hide and seek.

So, in the end you have a game with a story that fails on fundamental levels, sneaking gameplay that fails because you needn't bother, and boss fights that are fun and memorable. Can the boss fights be good enough to warrant playing through this game?

Yes.