Review: Sid Meier's Civilization Revolution

Rating: B+
Time Spent Playing: 20 to 30 hours

There was a point during my time spent with the new console friendly Civ in which I stopped wondering to myself, "why did they take this feature out?" and just started enjoying the game for what it is. I imagine this obstacle will prevent more than a few hardcore Civ fans from fully appreciating what a great and unique experience this game is. It feels, especially when played online with friends, how I imagine a board game version of Civ might feel. It's Catan on steroids.

One of the game's key successes is the controls. Designing a game around a controller produces far better results than trying to cram the complicated controls of a keyboard and mouse into a gamepad. It's for this same reason that I suspect if an RTS will ever find success on a console, it will be one designed specifically for console, a la Halo Wars. There is a bit of a learning curve with acting efficiently--a crucial skill when playing the timed rounds of multiplayer--but after two or three games everyone should be founding cities, researching techs, and reigning bloody devastation upon their enemies with ease.

The transformation of Civ from a primarily single player game to multi player is remarkable. Human opponents make for far more entertaining foils than AI ever will. The idea of everyone moving at the same time seems chaotic but generally works quite well.

There are faults to be found. Single player AI essentially results in every competing civilization waging endless war on you. I've been playing on deity difficulty lately and even when I'm in near last place in every category, even as the French are launching their space station into space, all focus is on my English rubes who've barely figured out rail roads.

Multi player probably drags on a bit too long for anything outside of play with friends. Gameplay is titled far more towards winning by Domination and Monetary victories. I don't recall anyone ever winning via Culture.

As far as elements from previous Civs dropped for this game, there is only one that I find truly annoying and mystifying as to its absence. The ability to upgrade units to their new tech equivalent with gold. As it is, it can only be done by building a specific wonder, making that wonder far more useful than just about any other.

Kefling Apocalypse

For my money, Ninja Bee is the best and most consistent developer of down-loadable XBLA-style games. Where Pixel Junk seems to produce stylish hacketry--seriously, let's take a completely free game and slap some art from a boutique store on it--Ninja Bee puts out fun, well designed games that can be enjoyed in ten minute play sessions. Yet for some reason Pixel Junk enjoys undeserved praise, while Ninja Bee keeps working, unsung.

Well, hopefully that nonsense will end with their newest title, A Kingdom for Keflings. As seen in the video, I like the use of an in game avatar as the builder; opposed to the typical god-in-the-sky interface most of these games employ. It reminds me of those rowdy weekends wherein my friends and I, high on Doritos and Coca-Cola, would play hours long sessions of Herzog Zwei.



In case you're unfamiliar with Ninja Bee's fine assortment of games, here's a good place to start.

The Dumb Rule the World: Blood Playstation

I was going to make the first post of the new recurring column, The Dumb Rule the World, about the kerfuffle over RE5. Seeing as Capcom has either given in to the complaints of the irrational knee jerkers out there or they really did plan all along to present Africa as a place largely populated by whitey, there really isn't much to add to the story.

Luckily, there are more dumb people to make fun of.

I bet you always thought playing your tv games was an activity that really didn't bother other people. Sure, sometimes you left the volume up too loud and woke up your neighbor, but that was it. I bet you didn't realize that your thirst for Metal Gears and Final Fantasies was quenched with the blood of child slaves.

Now that your eyes have been opened to the atrocities of console manufacturing, here are some other factoidoids to think about.

The special coating on Blu Ray discs is actually made from juicing the eyes of kittens and puppies.

The Xbox 360 isn't actually overheating due to faulty design. There's a tiny portal to Hell in the back of each one where Beelzebub and his ilk transmit messages to you while you sleep so you'll rape, murder, and cannibalize your whole family. M$ (see what I did there?) really is an evil corporation!

The battery packs found in wireless controllers are made from the crushed bones of Somali war orphans.

As part of his research during the concept development phase of Pikmin, Shigeru Miyamoto would regularly kidnap small boys and drown then in the pond behind his house.

Project Disappointment

Fear was a solid game that was over-appreciated, as is their custom, by PC fps enthusiasts for its impressive technical qualities. Its biggest fault--more so than even the generic, Saturday morning cartoon look of the enemies--was the environments. Office buildings are terrible places to work; I don't know why anyne would set a game there.

For whatever reason, the devs decided to once more head back into the world of cubicles and break rooms. I was also hoping for a new villain, as creepy little girl spirits bent on indiscriminate vengeance is cliche at this point. Maybe I'll pick it up for the multiplayer that no one but the psychopaths who memorize spawn patterns will bother to particpate in.

Blah.

Game of the Year 2008: Confirmed

Perhaps you're thinking to yourself, "maybe he's jumping the gun here. There's a ton of great, high quality games coming out this year. And some people don't like games that give you the freedom to do whatever you want."

Just remember: you're dumb and John William is very, very smart.